The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
