6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize