Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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