Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
