I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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