rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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