I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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