Will you blow on my dice?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
