my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
