Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
