i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
