Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Randomize
