I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
