my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
