My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
