I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
