We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
