im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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