Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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