Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize