shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so that wasnt chicken after all
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
