I like to think it a success when the cops are called
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
