just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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