We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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