I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
