You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
