i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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