I wish I only lived at night.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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