So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
