Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
where does the pee come out of this thing
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
