I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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