Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize