Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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