my phone needs a breathalizer
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
