im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
