once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize