I can tuck mytits in my pants
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
