so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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