Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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