i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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