i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
