last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
