Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
