Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I have feelings that need drinking.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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