Duck Duck Cougar?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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