Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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