I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
