why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
