the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
