You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
