omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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