who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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