I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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