tell your sister to shave her snatch
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
