Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
