I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
