I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
