Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so let's talk penis.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
