Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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