So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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