why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
