My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
