saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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