i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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