He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
