Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize