Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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