whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
