I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
