at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
