sarcasm needs its own font
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
