My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
