i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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