WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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