we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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