shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize